by Michael Rapson

Food can hold such an emotional bond that it’s sometimes hard to overcome the scents, tastes, and textures of something that brings such great memories or a feeling of joy, and even sadness.

My grandmother was born in 1921 and passed away in February of 1999, when I was 19 years old. She was a small wrinkled lady (which she would attest that her wrinkles came from laying out in the sun for too long when she was younger), only stood at 4’11”, and would always maintain a weight of 100 lbs. If she dropped to 99 pounds, she had to gain a pound. If she went above 100 pounds, she would get back down to 100. Her attitude was something that took some understanding to be loved, mostly griping about something or the other, but she was always loving.

She used to make a meal that consisted of chicken and noodles. Not like a chicken noodle soup or anything that we generally think about getting when you are sick. Something different. Granted, it wasn’t the healthiest of dishes, but none the less, she made it with love and care. I don’t remember the ingredients other than she used egg noodles, chicken broth, and a couple other things. The chicken was always from a box from the freezer section. The taste of it all was good though.   It was comfortable and made me feel good, and she was the only person who could make it the way she did.

My mom would try to make it for me, but it just wasn’t the same. There was something about how my grandma did it that made it special. My grandma would also make banana cookies for me when I was younger. They were most likely from a box, but she made them especially for me and that made me feel good.

A little while back, I was eating dinner with some friends and they had some noodles they were serving. The noodles were a prepackaged brand, but the taste was very similar to what my grandma used to make. I stopped in the middle of my first bite, set my fork down, and sat there for a minute. My friends asked me if everything was okay, and I told them my story while I finished eating the noodles and how those noodles reminded me of my grandma.

Any time I eat something that is banana flavored, it brings me back to when I was little kid with my own bag of banana cookies that my grandma made me, and floods of memories and emotions come rushing back. Even sitting here writing this brings tears to my eyes with happy memories.

Food is a huge center piece for many cultures. It’s used for celebration, after funerals, for comfort, as center pieces to bring friends and family together, and social gatherings. We bring it to work or church functions for pot-lucks, have cookouts in the summer, and eat sweets and baked goods around holidays.

We have special days in America for food like Thanksgiving and even Halloween has its theme of trick or treating (with an emphasis on the treat). Some religions have days that are centered around food like Fat Tuesday. Food is ingrained in us from an early age.

Food is good. It can bring joy and happiness. And food can also be not-so-good. We can over-indulge or use it as emotional comfort. The trick really becomes how food is used and how it helps, rather than hurt us.

A client had been going through Online Coaching and was rocking and rolling along. She had accomplished so much. Her diet had changed around, she was practicing eating healthy through habits, her physique was being transformed and had lost a lot of body fat, and her confidence was through the roof. She was super proud of what she was doing.

One question was brought up during the lessons portion.   “What would keep you from stopping your habit?” She said she had some mixed emotions and sometimes would forget to do the habit or get side-tracked. Of course, this sparked my curiosity. I’m her coach, and I wanted to help. Why would she be having mixed emotions about a habit?

As I asked, she opened up a bit about her story. She was married, and her husband had passed away. But this year, he wasn’t there. It was around his birthday, and it brought up complicated feelings and thoughts around food and all that she would prepare for celebration with him. It was a tradition they had. The trigger was his birthday and foods were something to remember him by.

Throughout the coaching process, we work on habits like how to eat, what foods to eat, and other aspects, but the most important thing we work on is mindfulness. Understanding feelings and emotions, why they are there, what triggers them, how does feelings dictate how you eat and what you do, how certain circumstances can cause conflict, and being in tune with and understanding oneself is a major part of the process. And she was doing really well with all of this, until that trigger came.

What became conflicting was that her habits are opposite of what she had when she was married. I asked a few simple questions to think about, and she turned it around realizing it wasn’t the foods that she truly misses, they were just part of the memories.

Emotions will come and go. It’s best to feel them and try to understand why they are there. Emotions serve a purpose. You can ask questions like; “What am I feeling at this time? Why am I feeling this? How do I use this emotion to help me? Is what I’m doing bringing me closer to or farther away from my goal?”

In the case of those noodles reminding me of my grandma, I could have eaten a second or third helping. But I didn’t. They didn’t serve my overall goal. The noodles were originally a part of my meal that I had planned. Even though they reminded me of my grandma, I cherished the memory and didn’t overindulge trying to keep the emotion there.

When food is used for its genuine purpose, which is to keep you alive, it can be a powerful tool to keep you healthy if the majority of what you eat is being used to keep you healthy and functioning well. It doesn’t mean healthy food has to taste bad, which you probably wouldn’t eat anyway. You can also indulge once and a while and have the foods that may not be the greatest health option. There’s some balance there. Remember to ask yourself whether or not it’s helping you to reach your goal or taking you from it and is it part of the plan you have set for yourself.

What happens when emotional eating does come into play?

Emotional hunger is different than physical hunger.

Physical hunger comes on gradually and it’s recognizable when you are hungry. With physical hunger, it’s doesn’t seem like you need that instant gratification and you can also pretty much tell when you are full or satisfied. With physical hunger, most foods sound good to you and you could pretty much eat anything including healthy foods.

Emotional hunger on the other hand, is something that comes on quickly. It seems urgent and can lead to mindless eating. It would be like when I miss my grandma and want to eat banana cookies even when I am not hungry and continue to eat them until that emotion goes away. Or it could lead you to craving comfort foods or sugary snacks to provide that instant rush and satisfaction, and no healthy food will satisfy that craving.

With emotional hunger, it’s also hard to tell if you are full. You are trying to fill that need or alleviate the stress you are feeling, and you keep eating until that feeling is gone. Often, you’ll eat until you are uncomfortably full and overstuffed. The emotions drown out the physical cues, because it’s not physical hunger you are feeling, it’s brain or mind related and it’s not something you can get out of your head.

Emotional hunger isn’t always tied to pain. It can also be something you feel good about, like celebrating an event, rewarding yourself for a job well done, cherished memories, and so on.

Identifying emotional triggers

Stress – Being stressed can cause you to feel hungry. The more stressful your life is, the more likely you are to turn to food for emotional relief. When high levels of stress are present, or when they become long lived or chronic, a stress hormone called cortisol kicks into gear. This hormone can trigger the craving for salty, sweet, and fried foods that gives you pleasure and possibly a boost in energy.

Habits – What we do on daily basis without really thinking about it is called a habit. Habits can stem as far back as childhood. Some are even created as we grow through our teens and into adulthood. Emotional triggers could be when you celebrated a birthday with a spouse who is no longer here, or going out for a treat with a parent who rewarded you for a job well done, or banana cookies just because you asked. Whatever you feel emotionally tied to that has been created as a habit, could be a trigger.

Boredom or filling a void – You could eat out of boredom as something to do with your time. Or maybe there is a void or emptiness that you are feeling and want to fill that up with food instead of feeling what you feel. The food is a distraction of what you are actually feeling.

Social influences - A lot of times, food is at social gatherings. Food is way of bringing people together. Though this can lead to overeating because other people are doing the same thing. Maybe you feel anxious, and food serves as a barrier between you and other people as a way of not having to talk or you're looking for the feeling of being part of the group. It might be easier to go along instead of creating a conflict or feeling out of place for doing your own thing. It could be a cultural aspect, and you might insult somebody if you don’t eat their food.

Drowning emotions – Eating can be a way of drowning out or pushing down what you don’t want to feel.   You might feel angry, lonely, sad, anxious, or some other emotion that is difficult to deal with. Instead of working through the emotion and understanding why you are feeling the way you do, you might use food to numb it out or as a coping mechanism.

What can you do instead?

Practice being mindful.

Practicing mindfulness develops your awareness of how you are feeling and what you are doing. By tapping into and trying to understand why the emotion you are feeling is there, you can then pause and stop the emotional eating trigger and choose a better action that will serve you.

In the case of my client, she understood the new habits she was practicing were serving a higher purpose of regaining control and bettering her health. By falling back to an old habit, it wasn’t leading to her goal. By pausing and asking herself questions of the conflicting emotions she was feeling, she could practice being mindful of her actions and reinforce the good habits she had developed and how important they are. Even though those emotions she had brought her back to feelings around food and her husbands birthday celebration, she found a new way of celebrating that would fit her needs and still honor his birthday.

The key to being mindful is pausing and asking questions. When you feel like an emotional trigger is present, pause and think for a few minutes. By giving into the emotional trigger, the emotional eating tends to be automatic and mindless.   And this is something that you are trying to avoid.

Don’t worry or feel guilty if you experience emotional eating. Once you realize it, you can then practice being mindful. It’s called practice for a reason. You might not get it the first, second, or third time, but as you practice you will get better. As you get better, keep practicing. Even professional musicians and elite athletes practice. It keeps their skills sharp and ensures a better outcome.

Questions to ask yourself to being more mindful

• What am I feeling?
• Why am I feeling this way?
• Where is this emotion coming from?
• How do I use this emotion to help me?
• Is what I’m doing bringing me closer to or further away from my goal?
• Is there an alternative to emotional eating that could still fill my emotional need in a healthier way?

Stepping back and asking yourself questions is a great way to regain control. It may not stop the emotion, but emotions are pretty short lived anyway. Letting the emotion run its course, feeling it, and trying to understand it is the best course of action. It may feel uncomfortable at first and you may learn things about yourself that you hadn’t realized. Keep the things you like about yourself and switch out the things you don’t like with things you do. With practice it will get easier. The beauty about being human is that you aren’t stuck. You can create yourself to be who you want.  

If you need more help with learning how to deal with your emotions, seek out a therapist, read some emotional intelligence books, read an article or watch a video from an expert on the subject, or get a coach. Whatever you need to help you, go look for it and use the things that work best for you and will serve your life better.    

If you’re looking for guidance on how to improve your eating and exercise, learn how to practice mindfulness, and finally look and feel the way you want, Online Coaching powered by ProCoach can help you and has helped men and women around the world.

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